Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
