i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
