We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
