if you like me you must not know who I am
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
