perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
