Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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