mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
