I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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