best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
