i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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