I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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