Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
