ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
