he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
