Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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