Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
