she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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