I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
