fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
