i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
