got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
