WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
