Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
