we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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