Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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