dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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