Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
