Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
