I love having hate sex.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He better not be in your backpack
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
