I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
