I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
