Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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