There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
