Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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