I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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