Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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