my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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