drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
