you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
