my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
