He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
