I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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