I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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