I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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