I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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