don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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