I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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