K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
