I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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