so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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