Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
