If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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