Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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