I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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