What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
