Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
