I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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