haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize