just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
