my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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