the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
