and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
