Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We are all done wearing pants today
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
