Soap is not a condiment
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
