matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
