i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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