member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
