i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
