I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
