Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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