Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
