I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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