Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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