Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
