That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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