the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
