I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fuck appropriateness.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
